


Behind Brown Eyes

by sidana



Series: The Daniel Zeeman Stories [1]
Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 15:58:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16222436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidana/pseuds/sidana
Summary: Daniel Zeeman may have recovered physically from the attack in Tennessee but there was less visible damage that people missed





	Behind Brown Eyes

Disclaimer: not my characters, not my universe. I'll put everyone back where I found them when I'm done playing with them

Behind Brown Eyes

**************

As I heard an unfamiliar car pull into my driveway, I took one last look around the living room. It was immaculate as always these days; once I had gotten the call from Daniel Zeeman, Nathaniel had made one last swipe with the dust rag to the mantle before heading off to his guitar lesson. My gut was telling me that it was all only going to get messier from that point onward. Daniel had called me to ask for help. Since we hadn't spoken to each other in months, and the tone of his voice had been hesitant and nervous, I wasn't quite sure of what to expect, only that it probably wouldn't be good.

The car engine cut off, and as I went to open the door, I heard the voices of two men: Daniel's and another that sounded vaguely familiar. The other man talked about keeping it calm and letting him know if it got to be all too much. As I turned the dead bolt and opened the door, I quickly saw the reason for Daniel's call.

Daniel Zeeman was a lycanthrope. Most shifters did their best to hide what they were with varying degrees of success, but in Daniel's case, it looked like he not only wasn't trying to shield but that he actually didn't know how to try. I hadn't been around very many brand new shifters. For all that I was tougher than a normal human, I couldn't take damage like a were could, so we did our best to keep me away from people who were still having issues with controlling their beasts. But I had seen enough of them to know that it was what I saw in Daniel. I took one step back, and for a split second found myself wishing I hadn't left the Browning in the bedroom for all that I considered Daniel to be a friend.

And then I identified the other man. His name was Stavros, and he sometimes played bodyguard for Narcissus. There were two types of bodyguards: the ones who tried to prevent trouble by looking scary, and the ones who sat back in the shadows in case someone wasn't intimidated by the first group. Stavros was in the second group, a guy who was average height and weight, and who I never would have noticed if his hair and complexion hadn't reminded my of Larry Kirkland.

"Are you Daniel's sponsor?" I asked.

"Linus and I trade off that duty," he said as he slid an arm around Daniel's waist, his hand moving around Daniel's untucked shirt until it rested on his lower back.

"And he drew the short straw for the day," Daniel said as he leaned into the touch in an attempt to settle the nervous energy that would otherwise flow off him.

"What do you mean?"

"Narcissus said that he normally doesn't give a damn about how we do or don't get along with our families but in my case, I needed to have a talk with Richard about how it all happened for me not too long after my first full moon, and since I'm actually starting to feel like I can act human again, I thought it might as well be today. I asked Richard to meet me over here in about 20 minutes."

"Why here for that meeting? Why with me?"

"Because by all accounts, Richard is going to freak, and you're one of the few people who can talk sense into him when he does."

"I think you're overestimating me here." Number one, Richard hated being a werewolf and would probably try to tear the throat out of whoever had infected his baby brother and had, in his eyes, doomed him to a life he utterly despised to the point he could sometimes barely function in it. Number two, Daniel had been infected with the hyena version of lycanthropy, and Narcissus' people had a certain reputation. "I don't know how much he told you about how our relationship fell apart, but there tended to be more fights than there were times we could talk sense into each other. And we still have a hard time managing to be civil to each other when we're dealing with pack or Coalition business. We just can't stop picking each other apart."

"I know he did some things and said a lot more that he wasn't proud of. But I also know that you're one of two people he'll still listen to when he won't listen to anyone else."

"And that other person?"

"Mom. But I'm so not ready to talk to her yet. For all that I've got an idea of just how bad Richard's temper can be sometimes, I'd still rather face him than deal with Mom."

"Okay, but realize that me being here could end up throwing gasoline on the fire instead of water."

"Thanks." The relief was clear and visible on Daniel's face.

"But if I'm going to help, I need to know what happened. If Narcissus is playing some sort of game with you..." There was a flicker of something in Stavros' eyes. While I hadn't made a direct threat. Yet. I also wasn't very far from going after his oba, and he knew it.

"How the lycanthropy? Can I give you the short version? The long story is still hard for me to talk about, and I'd really only want to have to go through all of it once when Richard gets here."

"The short version is fine," I said.

"I was carefully experimenting toward the end of college, and had just gotten to the point where I thought I was comfortable with who I was. Then Tennessee happened," he said, staring down at the carpet so he wouldn't have to look me in the eyes. "It wiped out the progress I'd made. I was in a dark place and I did some really stupid things, wasn't as careful as I'd been before. End result was that I would have been very lucky to see my fortieth birthday and even thirty was looking iffy. It wasn't like Narcissus sought me out. I went looking for him." His shoulders sagged inward, and he let out a big sigh.

"Daniel, I'm sorry," I said, not certain what else to say as I worked through what he'd told me. So I stepped around Stavros and hugged Daniel from behind in order to stay clear of his teeth and nails. As my arms went around his chest and my face rested against his shoulder, I felt him relax against me, his human and were sides both responding to that touch.

"I did some really dumb things for a while there. Not surprising that there was a price for it. I just hope that I didn't hurt anyone else, and I think the worst of it is that I can't be sure there because there were guys where I didn't remember their names."

"Now I'm wishing that Richard and I had dragged you into therapy after Tennessee. We wanted to give you your space and not push, but now it's looking like maybe I should have tried to do more afterwards to help you."

"I actually did try. One session and it was a total disaster. The therapist, who was like the only one my piece of shit HMO insurance would cover, didn't listen to me at all, and I ended up in a worse state of mind than when I went into the office. Figured I'd do better on my own, though I'm not sure if I was right or not with that."

"I know it's been a couple years now, but if you ever do want a therapist who would understand, I can give you the card for the one Nathaniel uses."

"Thanks. I think I'm okay right now. Not wonderful, but okay. But it would be good to have that number if things go dark again, and I've now got enough money saved on my own that I don't have to rely on whoever's on the insurance list."

"Let me grab the card for you then," I said, giving him a squeeze before letting go. I actually had a couple of the therapist's business cards that I'd passed out to other people in my life. For some reason, a lot of the preternaturals in St. Louis had more than their share of pain and dysfunction in their lives. "And since I'm headed toward the kitchen anyways, do you want a sandwich?"

"That would be good for him," Stavros said before Daniel could speak. Weres tended to have control issues if they were hungry or got overly emotional. At least some meat would help fix one of those problem areas.

"I've got some leftover ham or deli roast beef. Got a preference?" I said, tucking the Browning in the kitchen into my jeans even as I opened the fridge door.

"Ham's good," he said.While I'll never be Miss Suzy Homemaker, I did manage to quickly put together a ham and cheese on wheat bread with a little bit of mustard for him. I took it out of the kitchen on a plate since I didn't want Nathaniel to feel like he had to vacuum up any crumbs as soon as he got back home.

Daniel stood as he bolted the sandwich down, seeming to barely chew as he did. He set the plate down on an end table, and I was just about to ask if I should put the coffee pot on as well when I heard another car turn down the driveway. As I checked my watch to see if Richard was showing up early, I saw Stavros tense and then relax.

"It's Narcissus," he said.

"Bad timing on his part," I said, feeling the Browning at the small of my back. Given Richard' temper and Narcissus' prickliness, the odds were unfortunately high that I'd end up drawing on one or both of the men.

"Earlier today, he was going back and forth on whether it would be a good idea when you talked to Richard," Stavros said. "Seems like he's made his decision."

"And you didn't mention this before because?" Daniel said.

"I knew it would be a source of stress for you, and I didn't want that to add to the rest of the stress if he decided to let Richard come to him instead."

There was a slamming of car doors outside followed by a knock at the door.

"You can get that," I said. Knowing what I did about Narcissus' tastes, I didn't feel comfortable getting too physically close to him.

Stavros let two people into the house, and they quickly worked through the usual casual hyena greetings. And then as people stepped away from each other, I got a good look at Narcissus' look for the day.

He had on faded blue jeans that skimmed his body but weren't overly tight, black combat boots, and a faded loose plaid shirt pulled over a white tank top. He'd pushed a pair of ancient Ray Ban sunglasses from his eyes and onto his forehead, and he held a Starbuck's frappacino cup in one hand. The only make-up he had on was a hint of sheer lip gloss. It was so radically different from his usual attire that I did a double take, the equivalent of suddenly seeing the pope wearing bowling shoes and an old gas station attendant's shirt.

"Anita," he nodded politely at me, amusement clear in his eyes.

"Interesting wardrobe choice," I managed to keep my voice somewhat level.

"Never let them think they know what to expect from you," he said, briefly smiling. His bodyguard did his best to hide it, but a small grin slipped out of him as well.

"It worked."

"Obviously," he said, then his face went serious. "Darius told you that I required he meet with his brother so that while I'm sure Richard will accuse me of many things, he won't be able to accuse me of trying to hide that."

"He did," I said. It took me a few seconds to connect that Narcissus renamed his people when they joined his pack, and that Daniel was the same person as Darius. "And you have a fairly good idea of how Richard is likely to react."

"The Ulfric's anger is rather legendary. I decided that it was better to be here to protect one of my people from it than to stay away and hope that it just might make his anger less." Almost delicately, he sipped at his drink. If Narcissus was still trying to throw me off, it was working.

"Thanks for coming here," Daniel said softly. In response, Narcissus reached toward his face, lightly caressing his cheekbone with his thumb in what seemed to be a real gesture of affection.

"You're my pack, my responsibility," he replied.

Starvos and Narcissus' bodyguard exchanged brief words and the rest of us lapsed into an uncomfortable silence until I heard Richard's car pull up. While I wasn't looking forward to the next few minutes, at least it would all be over soon. Leaving the hyenas in the living room, I stepped out onto the front porch to give him a brief warning.

"I know you aren't going to like this, but if you could, please don't say something you're going to end up regretting later on for Daniel's sake."

"Anita, what's going on, and why couldn't he just come over to my house? And Narcissus' car is in your driveway." He said with a frown like he was starting to put the pieces together. He stepped around me with a werewolf's speed and I had to work to follow him into the living room.

"What the hell did you do to my brother? Did you see him in a gay bar and think, yes, here's someone who was a perfect hostage to use against me and my wolves? Because if you thought that, you thought wrong," he said, the growl escaping from the base of his throat as he stepped closer to the hyenas. Narcissus' bodyguard moved in front of his protectee as Stavros wrapped an arm around Daniel and pulled him toward the side. Richard may not have my anger in him anymore but his own rage could still almost visibly burn off of him.

"I didn't seek him out; he came to me," Narcissus said flatly, staring back into Richard's face in challenge. "And I'd never call him a hostage but someone who has the potential to be very valuable to my pack. When he approached me, it was clear who he was and who his family were. I knew that it was a political risk to take him in. Believe me or not, I do care about the hyena's place in the Coalition. And, after some thought, I decided that the risk was more than worth it even if he turned out to only have half the power his brother has."

"Did you have sex with him?"

"Yes, we did," Daniel spoke up, his voice defiant at the same time he couldn't quite look Richard in the eyes. "It wasn't like you'd assume, not at the club, but yes. And I liked it."

"No," Richard bellowed. A shudder ran through his body and he went charging out the door to the back deck. A few seconds later, I heard the sound of metal being torn apart. Taking a deep breath, I followed his route, finding him at the side of the house tearing apart an empty metal trash can with his bare hands.

"How could he do this to me? He knows as much as any human knows about what I went through."

"He knows what he knows and this is the decision he made anyways. It's not always about you and your self-hatred."

He started to reply, then bit it back and instead tore another strip out of the trash can. With the look on his face, I didn't need the marks to know exactly how he was feeling, and that anything I said would probably just make it worse. If it had just been about me, I would have picked at him and tried to show what a prick he was being, but I decided I was going to do my best not to for Daniel's sake. We stood like that for a solid minute before I heard more people walking out the door.

"Richard?" Daniel said softly as he and Stavros came into view.

"Can I have a private family conversation here?" Richard snapped at Stavros.

"Narcissus said he doesn't want to know what's said out here, but he knows tempers are short right now, and he's not going to have a situation where one of his people gets mad and takes a swing at the local Ulfric. He wouldn't allow that kind of insult to occur."

"I'm not happy about it," he said as his body language signaled that Stavros could stay. " Daniel, I've known you were gay for a long time. You could have talked to me instead of letting it all turn into this."

"I see myself as bisexual. There were a lot of good times with women and I don't want it to seem like those weren't real or something, but I've been drawn more and more to men for a long time now, even going back to before Tennessee. And, you knew?"

"It's not like I could have really missed all the times you showed up for Sunday dinner at Mom's house still smelling like more than one man from the night before. But I wanted to give you some sense of privacy so I never said anything. I figured if you wanted to come out or not it was your choice and I was trying to respect that."

"Part of me wishes you had said something. It wasn't just about the sex, it was about me getting self-destructive in a bad way."

"I got close at one point. But then it seemed like things were getting better for you. You weren't hung over anymore and it would be the same man's smell on you for three or four dinners in a row."

"Yeah, I hit bottom, scaled back on the drinking and at least managed to start to get my head back together."

"And that was two years ago. A lot of the old Daniel came back. And then you end up hooking up with Narcissus."

"About a year ago, I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia, the kind that normal healthy men in their twenties don't usually get. They ran a whole bunch of blood tests including a full STD screening."

"And?" Richard said, dragging it out and trying to hurt Daniel because he felt hurt himself.

"I was HIV positive, and it was a case where it was quickly moving to full blown AIDS." Daniel said, obviously not comfortable to say those words flat out instead of talking around them.

"There are drugs for that. You didn't have to do this." Richard clenched his fists until his nails were digging into his palms.

"The drugs work well for a lot of people. But with all the talking about how well they can work, no one really talks about the side effects of taking that much medication every day. For most people, you can live with it, even though the kidney stones can make you spend a couple hours feeling like you hope you do die. Me, I lost the side effects lottery and they started shutting down my liver. And people like me do not exactly get to a happy place on the liver transplant lists."

"You could have come to me, talked to me about it then. You didn't have to go to Narcissus."

"And I know how much you hate your own lycanthropy. If I had, would you have said no? Would you have warned all the other shifter groups in town to stay away from me too?"

"Daniel, there are time I've wished I was dead," Richard said, werewolf strength pushing his nails through layers of skin until streams of blood began to run down his palms.

"But you decided to live," Daniel said, his nostrils flaring as he scented the blood. I could feel the magical energy spike around him as he struggled to keep his beast in check. He inched closer to Richard, his eyes starting to slide away from human.

"Daniel, we're going for a walk. Right now," Stavros said. He grabbed roughly grabbed Daniel by one arm and then wrapped him in a bear hug, walking him upwind into the back yard.

"It didn't have to end like this," Richard said.

"It's not an end. He's still your brother, and Narcissus was speaking the truth when he said that he wasn't going to use Daniel to get to you. I think it's one part fear and one part actually having some sort of twisted belief in good family relationships."

"There had to have been a better way. Rafael's got connections. He could have gotten Daniel a liver if that's what he was going to need. Anything but what happened."

"We're not doctors. We don't know if it was even an option. All Daniel could do was make what he thought what was best out of a group of bad choices. And he was right. We've done the same thing all the time. We decide that even if it's going to change us in a way that we never wanted, we take the way that seems to life rather than the alternative."

"And I feel like a coward every time when I do. If I was strong enough, I'd do the right thing instead and damn the consequences."

"And damn how many other people with that choice?"

"I'm never going to win, am I?"

"I've come to think that if I'm keeping score, the way you win is to survive to fight another day."

Daniel walked back to the side of the house, Stavros close enough to him to have an arm wrapped around Daniel's waist.

"I'm sorry I almost lost it there. My control isn't great yet."

"It's never really easy to control the beast but it does get easier over time," Richard said. He took a couple of deep breaths to gather his thoughts. "You know you've effectively put yourself under Narcissus' control. Under the laws we live under, I'm not supposed to interfere with that."

"Yeah, that was made clear to me before I got infected. I couldn't understand before how it felt to have this beast inside me, but they made sure I understood what the rules were and what the punishments could be for breaking them or disobeying my Oba."

"And even with that, and even with what you saw of my world, you said yes anyways."

"The hyenas are a lot more than just the club. They've got a really strong community," Daniel said as he tried to eye Richard's still bloody hands without anyone else noticing. "I'm sorry didn't feel like I could talk to you, but repression thy name is Zeeman family."

"I take it Mom doesn't know yet?"

"Neither the bi or the hyena part. You know how she is. For years, she was upset about how you didn't get engaged to a nice girl in college, settle down, and start a family not long after graduation. And while she's got her fabulous gay friends, she'll have another reaction to her very own bisexual son. I'm coming out slowly, but I'm not quite ready to go there yet."

"Our family's complex, but it's still family," Richard said, taking another deep breath as he extend a palm toward his brother. "Do you want some?"

"Thanks," Daniel said as he ran his fingers over Richard's hand and then carefully began to lick the blood off of them.

I was surprised at the offer since I'd seen him deny himself the same pleasure on several occasions. I didn't expect the relationship between the brothers to be easy in the coming months. Nothing with Richard ever is. But at least he was trying his best to keep that relationship strong.


End file.
